I Want Crazy
by C Indiana
Summary: Song Fic! Jane is unable to sleep one late night so she decides to listen to music that opens her eyes to her one true love who's been there all along.


**I don't own Rizzoli & Isles, nor do I own the song I Want Crazy by Hunter Hayes. It's been awhile since I've written a song fic, and not gonna lie I kinda miss it. So to help me get back into writing I'm gonna kinda go back to how I originally started posting, but ya know better. I decided to write this one-shot un-beta'd like I used to just to see if I still could. **

**Edit!:** So I had to go back through and take out the song lyrics and reword some things, but luckily it didn't take that long. My reading skills still aren't the best after my accident so I don't remember the guidelines and can't read them all that well so my bad.

 **I Want Crazy**

 **Jane's P.O.V.**

I've been tossing and turning for hours trying to finally get some sleep after a grueling week, but no matter what I try I just can't seem to clear my mind enough for sleep to finally come. I growl in frustration as I look at my clock on the nightstand and see the angry red numbers signing bright back at me. 2:26 AM!

I begrudgingly sit up in bed and test against my headboard. I sit there and just look around my room looking for nothing in particular. I hate being awake at this hour because this is when all my doubts about my life start to kick in. This makes me wish I had spent the night at Maura's instead of coming back to my apartment. She always knows how to make me feel better when I'm one of these moods.

I smile sadly when I think about my best friend, Maura. She's socially awkward but she really doesn't give herself enough create. She's always managed to make me feel comfortable and safe when my mind would play tricks and turn against me.

As I feel the dark thoughts beginning to creep in I decide to try listening to some music to calm down. I wish it wasn't so late or else I would call her, but I would hate to wake her up. We've both had a pretty rough week and she needs her sleep.

I grab my phone off my nightstand and open my Pandora and set it on shuffle. I lock my phone and rest it on my stomach. I hear the opening beat to a country song that I've never heard before.

I smile softly as I begin to think about the hazel green eyes that tend to haunt my dreams both while awake and asleep. I think about all the time I have dedicated to spending time with Maura, and how I can spend more time with her when I'm not with her. Whenever I'm not with her I feel like something is missing.

I really start to think about my relationship with Maura. Do I love her? I mean I do have great love for her, and we have both been through some pretty crazy shit. I mean come on she almost married a dude who killed his own brother, and then she dated another murder! If that shit isn't crazy as fuck I don't know what is, but to be fair I've been assaulted by a serial killer multiple times, and kidnapped by a crazy family friend. Okay so we're both crazy, but that what keeps things interesting in our lives.

Most people don't even try to understand how Maura and I came to be friends. Hell sometimes I don't even know. We've both just so different from each other. She's high class, white collar, and loves the finer things in life. I'm low class, blue collar, and I love eating burgers and fries from bars. She eats healthy and does yoga. I eat like a teenager and hate yoga with a blue passion. We couldn't be more opposite if we tried, but that's what makes our friendship work. We never run out of things to talk about or experience together. There's always something new to try and learn from and about each other.

For the first time ever I allow my mind to wander to places it probably shouldn't go. All the 'what ifs' I've managed to keep at bay have started to flood my mind. I think about all the real reasons why my past relationships have failed. I always knew going in that they would be nothing but a poor substitute to what I truly wanted. Honestly for as strong as I make myself out to appear I'm really just a coward on the inside.

I chuckle darkly as I think back to all my horrible attempts at finding "love". It always seems like I'm the one putting my heart on the line, and then I seem like I'm the one who ends up with a broken heart. If I'm being real with myself right now though it really wasn't that heartbreaking to see them go. With Casey I really had managed to fool myself into believing I was in love with him, but when he kept leaving me it didn't hurt as much as it should. He was a good guy, but I never saw myself having the forever kind of love with him.

The more I think about it the more I realize that every time I get my heart "broken" Maura was always there to put the pieces back together and vice versa. We always have each other's back no matter who tries to come between us. I must admit agreeing to marry Casey wasn't the brightest idea on my part, but even so I knew Maura would support my decision. Though now that I look back on it I see that my choice hurt her, but I think it went deeper than even she was willing to admit. I was hoping that she would tell me not to marry Casey, but I should have known better. Maura is far too selfless to stand in the way of what she thought made me happy.

The longer I lie here the more I realize that I could have only stayed with Casey for so long. I never would have actually been able to walk down the aisle with him waiting for more. Don't get me wrong I feel I had love for him, but I could never bring myself to love him the way that I should have. We never shared that forever kind of love that made me want to whatever I could to make him smile. Honestly I would never be willing to go out of my way to make him smile like I would for Maura. I would never risk my career or my life for Casey or any other man like I have for Maura more times than I could count.

I listen to the rest of the song trying to process all of the emotions swirling around in not only my head but also my heart. I've never allowed myself to think about the relationship I share with Maura in depth because I always knew deep down that I would discover things I wasn't ready for. Not to say that I'm exactly ready now, but I think it's more I'm tired of waited for my happy ending to fall into my lap when deep down I know it's right in front of me and has been for years. Maura and I have never had a "normal" friendship. Every Friday movie night, and every weekend spent either at my apartment or at her house always had a deeper meaning behind it all for both of us.

As the song ends I sit up abruptly. Well fuck…...how in the hell did I manage to avoid all of this for so long? I'm completely head over heels in love with Maura Isles, and better yet she's actually in love with me too. Every look we shared, every smile, every kiss on the cheek always meant more between us.

I don't allow myself to put much thought into my actions as I start running around room gathering everything I'll need for work tomorrow. I hook Jo Friday up to her lease before we're heading out of my apartment being sure to lock up before me. I don't care what time it is I need to talk to Maura before I lose the momentum and miss another chance at finally being with the love of my life.

I can't help but replay that song over and over again in my mind as I compare it to my relationship with Maura. If I'm honest with myself I've been in love with Maura since we first met, but I allowed myself to settle because I know in my heart that Maura can do so much better than me. She deserves somebody who can take her own trips around the world, and who can take her to any fancy restaurant she wants without having to worry about the bill. Maura deserves the world on a silver platter, but since I can't give her that I'll settle for what I can give her. I can give her unconditional love, and all the time in the world. I can give her the family she never had but always wanted.

It doesn't take me long to pull into the driveway of Maura's Beacon Hill home. I shut off the engine and feel the nerves starting to come back to me as I look between Maura's front door and Jo sitting in the passenger seat.

"I'm starting to think this was a bad idea, Jo." I sigh as I rest my head heavily against the steering wheel. All the confidence I had has given way to self doubt and uncertainty.

I feel Jo wiggle her way in-between me and the steering wheel as I feel her wet nose on my neck. I realize this is her way of trying to make me feel better and surprisingly it's working. I feel some of my previous confidence return as I look at Maura's front door again.

"We want crazy, don't we Jo?" I smile as she gives me a solid bark which I take t to mean yes. Without any more thought I get out of the car with my stuff and Jo in tow.

I can't decide if I want to just let myself in or if I want to ring the doorbell. Luckily it seems that I'm not the only one up at this ungodly hour. As soon as I reach the front door it's opening and there stands Maura with a look of concern on her beautiful angelic face. God I really want to kiss her right now….

"Jane, is everything alrighty? I noticed you've been sitting outside for a while." Wait, has she been awake this whole time?

"Have you been to sleep yet Maura?" The faint blush that appears on her face leads me to believe that she hasn't. I wonder what's been keeping her awake.

"Unfortunately I haven't been able to clear my mind enough for sleep. Anyway not that I'm unhappy to see you, but isn't it a little late for you to be out Jane?" This time I feel myself starting to blush as I remember the reason for my impromptu visit.

"I wasn't able to sleep either so I tried listening to some music to try and clear my mind. If I had known you were awake I would have called you." I say as I brush past her inviting myself inside. I set my bag down by the couch and unhook Jo as butterflies form in my stomach. Now that I'm here I'm not really sure what to say.

"Whether I was awake or not you know that you can always call me Jane the time does not matter. Is there something bothering you Jane? Is it Hoyt?" I can't help but smile softly at the concern I see in her eyes.

"No, Maura this time it's not Hoyt that's keeping me awake." I don't really know where to take the conversation from here so I decided to just say it. "It's you that has kept me awake this time." I sigh as I see a look of confusion settle on her face. Clearly I'm going to have to elaborate more.

"I had one of my moments where my mind begins to wonder to my life and all my past decisions. I realized a lot of things tonight. For example we've been through a lot together haven't we?" I chuckle darkly as I move deeper into Maura's living room as she locks the door and reactivates her security system.

"Well yes, in our many years of friendship we have been through quick several life changing events, but Jane what does that have to do with me keeping you awake? Are you feeling okay? Did you have another nightmare about one of those events?" Maura asks with her usual concern as she walks over to the couch.

"One would have to be able to sleep to in fact have a nightmare Maura. Would you please some sit with me on the couch while I explain?" I ask softly as I take a seat in my usual spot on the couch while I wait for her to join me.

Silently Maura joins me on the couch as she continues to look at me with concern. I turn to face her and gently take both of her hands in mine. I smile sadly as I look at the scares on my hands that surely feel rough against Maura's soft delicate skin.

"While I was lying in my bed awake I started listening to music and the first song out made me think of you. I Want Crazy. It made me think and it make me realize that I'm so tired of settling for people who always end up hurting me. I'm tired of trying to keep things easy even though I'm miserable on the inside. I'm tired of looking for excuses to spend time with you." We sit in silence as I allow my words sink in. I look up and ask a question that's been on my mind for a bit. "Were you really going to standby a let me marry Casey?" I ask softly as I watch her eyes darken. I see she still isn't fond of him.

"As your best friend I want you to be happy, and if he was the one who made you happy then I would support your decision." I watch her grimace as the words left her mouth. It's almost like those words pained her to say.

"So you were willing to stand there in silence and let me marry somebody else even though you're in love with me?" I watch her eyes widen as my words begin to register in her mind.

I hear her sigh deeply as she tries to remove her hands from mine, but I hold tight refusing to let go. "Jane, you have to understand that your happiness matter more to me than my own feelings did. You deserve so much happiness and if Casey could give that to you then I would learn to be happy for you." I see tears begin to well up in Maura's eyes and it makes my heart clench painfully.

"You, Maura Isles, are too selfish for your own good, but you're also beautiful, kind, loving, caring, intelligent, sweet, soft, way too literal, and the love of my life." I whisper softly as I feel a few tears slide down my face.

We sit in silence for a few minutes as I start to believe coming here was a bad idea. Maybe I should have stayed at home and waited until the morning. "Jane…..I…...why now?" She's whispers looking at me with tears also running down her cheeks.

"I've been in love with you for a while now, but I know you can do so much better than me. You deserve is much more than I could ever give you, and I thought I was doing the right thing by keeping my feelings to myself. You deserve somebody richer who can take you on trips and to expensive restaurants. You deserve somebody who can give you everything in the world that you desire, but as I thought about it more I realized nobody could possibly love you more than I do. I didn't want to sit back and watch somebody try without at least taking a chance." I rub my thumbs along her knuckles gently as I try to savor these last few moments before she kicks me out.

"I've been waiting for you to say something for months….after you broke off the engagement with Casey I allowed myself to hope. You never said anything for months so I was beginning to resign myself to the fact that I would never be anything, but your best friend for the rest of my life." Maura says with a tearful smile.

"I don't want to settle for good or good enough anymore Maura. I don't want to eat or sleep again without knowing that you love me just as much as I love you. I don't want to settle for a kiss on the cheek when the chance of finally being able to share a kiss where I can literally see fireworks and hear angels sing. I don't want to settle for something easy because I know coming out and admitting that I'm a lesbian or in this case Maura-sexual will be difficult, but I know you're worth it. I want crazy with you." I whisper softly as I bring her hands up and gently kiss knuckles. I watch as more tears begin to slide down her face. I really hope that's a good sign.

I feel more tears slip out. "I love you, Maura." I whisper softly as I pull her closer.

"I love you too, Jane. I want crazy." I give her a tearful smile as I pull Maura into our last first kiss that makes me see fireworks and hear angels sing from the high heavens.

 **So I've been listening to that song nonstop during my period of recovery and I couldn't resist writing something for it. I realize it's not my best work, but I'm still getting back into feeling everything out, and working out my writing again. Hopefully this is a stepping stone in the right direction. Let me know what y'all think. Do I still got it?**


End file.
